A run through middle earth

Following years of searching I've finally found my running soul mate in the form of the lovely Steph.  My years in the wilderness are over, I no longer have to be bonkers on my own as I now have an equally bonkers, up for anything, running buddy.

Take for example last Friday when we 'accidentally' ran 14 miles and chose to run up the steepest, most ridiculous hill we could find en route to boot!  These are the kind of crazy ass things we do and if the truth be known, we shouldn't actually be allowed to run without adult supervision.

A few months ago when we were looking at race options we stumbled across the Whirlow 10K trail race.  Yep, looked good, like our kind of race.  We then came to book it and discovered there was an option to do a 12 mile race.  For this one you needed waterproof clothing, a compass, a map, a whistle, food supplies and navigation skills.  Wow, this one sounded way more interesting so we didn't hesitate in signing up for it.  "Erm, do you know how to use a compass and read a map?" enquired Steph.  "Nope", I replied, "do you?"  That'll be a big fat no.  We shrugged our shoulders, it couldn't be that difficult, could it?

The day finally arrived last Sunday (remember that we'd already 'accidentally' run 14 miles just two days before!).  Believe it or not, we'd also persuaded someone else to join us.  Let's call her 'Mavis' (name changed to protect the innocent).  As Mavis climbed into the car, Steph and I started joking about our 'accidental' 14 mile run and other recent escapades.  Mavis laughed nervously and the colour started to drain from her face.

We arrived at Whirlow, parked up and looked around us.  We weren't expecting a large race by any means but after doing a quick head count, I reckoned we had a one in 30 chance of winning (more people did appear thank goodness!).  The majority of runners were of the 'Jeff' and 'Jeffette' variety.  You know the ones, those runners who take pride in wearing the scabbiest, shortest of shorts and faded t-shirts proudly declaring "I did the Wibbly Wobbly Fell Race 1978 and survived".  Mavis looked even more nervous.  "Don't let looks deceive you Mavis, we'll be fine", I said.

We went to find the registration area which turned out to be in a barn!!  Well, the race was starting from a farm after all.  We had a last minute panic and bought a map, then quickly decided we still didn't know where we were going.  It was almost time to go so we paid a quick visit to the obligatory portaloos (knew those millions of squats would come in handy one day!).

Right, this was it, we were off, good god straight up a hill.  We quickly settled into a rhythm only to be met by a dozen stiles and a queue of people waiting to get over them.  It was then onto the slippery steps which did indeed live up to their name and there were lots of them!!  The scenery was stunning which helped take our minds off our already aching limbs.

As we ran deeper and deeper into the wilderness of the Peak District, Mavis confessed to not feeling very well.  We ran a bit further but it was obvious that Mavis wasn't going to make it.  "Steph", I whispered, "should we do the right thing" and I waved an arm towards our surroundings.  "Jeez Woody, what is wrong with you, we can't leave her out here in the wilderness with the wild animals" she said.  "No, you pratt" I answered, "I mean, why don't we just hit her over the head with a boulder and have done".  "Oh yeah, no problem" replied Steph, "right, on the count of three ... one, two.  I'm joking!!!!  We're bonkers, but not completely mad!!  We did the right thing by persuading Mavis to stay with the marshals while we carried on.  Mavis ended up doing the 10K route and walking back home and is alive and well you'll be pleased to know.

Steph and I carried on into the wilderness, the terrain was becoming more difficult by the minute and we'd spent so much time discussing how to dispose of Mavis (I'm joking!!) that we were now way behind everyone else with only the moors in our sights.  After what seemed like hours, we finally came across civilisation in the form of a rickety table bedecked with plastic cups of fresh water.  We were saved, for the time being at least.  As we climbed across the rocks to our watering hole, we started laughing hysterically and the slightly bemused marshal exclaimed that we were having way too much fun.  We refuelled and waved a cheery goodbye before turning round and facing what looked like a mountain ahead of us.  We looked at each other, "are we going up there?".  From the little orange flags marking our way, it certainly looked like it.  We felt like we were on top of the world when we'd finally scrambled our way up to the summit.  Only then did we realise that one way or another we'd have to get back down the other side.  Huge boulders spread out down below us.  A lone walker and his dog offered his congratulations on getting this far to which we replied "Tuesday, we're hoping to get back for Tuesday".

I'll tell you something, the little orange flag guy had done a cracking job and we somehow made it down the mountain, albeit on our backsides.  We imagined that the Jeffs and Jeffettes had jumped down like mountain goats and we could only hope and dream that one day that would be us.  When we finally reached the path at the bottom a cheery old couple shouted "that way to Rio" to which we replied "it's not going so well so we're now aiming for Tokyo".

Right, which way now, where have the little orange flags gone.  "Are we going the right way?" asked Steph.  "Yeah, yeah, I'm sure we are" I replied in a convincing manner.  By some miracle, we were going in the right direction as we found our next marshal.  Her hood was pulled right up round her face and she looked decidedly fed up as a rain shower descended.  She stuck out her arm and motioned to us to go up the hill.  We shouted a cheery thank you but I don't think she was impressed that she'd had to wait around for us.  

We clutched at ferns and heathers and crawled over rocks to make our way slowly up the hill.  At the top we turned and looked around us.  Wow!!  We felt like Frodo and Sam in middle earth.  "Come on my precious" I shouted, "we have to carry on and destroy the ring before it destroys us".  Yep, we had actually lost the plot by now!!

It wasn't that long before we found our next marshal.  "We're here" we yelled at him, "you can go home for your Sunday lunch now".  "Oh, you're not last" he replied, "there's someone else behind you".  "WHAT?" we exclaimed in unison.  What followed next was like a scene from the Olympics when Mo Farah won his gold medals.  We were ecstatic and in complete disbelief.  We set off on the final stretch with renewed energy and screeching "we're not last, we're not last".

We only had a couple more miles to go at this point (or so we thought!), but when we finally reached the end of the path, we suddenly realised that things weren't quite right.  We turned and looked at each other.  I checked the mileage on my Fitbit and Steph checked her phone.  "Bo**ocks!!" we screeched.  There was no way this race was 12 miles, it was going to be nearer 14 miles (which turned out to be the case)!!  As we made our final descent through the woods we were absolutely dying on our arses.  An extra two miles is a hell of a difference!!  

Our final obstacle was trying to navigate a field of cows.  Runners hate cows and cows hate runners.  This could be interesting.  We climbed over the stile and began to tiptoe through the field.  "Don't make eye contact", I whispered, "imagine we're invisible".  We eventually reached the exit, and, feeling very brave we turned and made rude gestures at the cows shouting "ha ha, can't get us".  They looked on in complete bemusement.  Yeah!  We showed them who's boss.

"Steph", I cried, "I can hear voices".  "God, you really have lost the plot" she replied.  "No, wait, listen, I really can hear voices, I think we've made it back" I said.  "Yes, there's the inflatable start line" she shouted and grabbed my hand.  We legged it for the final few metres and crossed the finish line with a huge grin on our faces shouting "we're back, we're saved, we're free".  

We absolutely loved this race and we're hoping to be back again next year.  Huge thanks to everyone involved.